Finding out that someone you love has a gambling problem can feel devastating. It often lands like a betrayal. Trust feels shattered. The ground beneath you suddenly feels unstable, and the urgency to do something takes over.

In my experience as a psychologist, this is the moment when many loved ones want to jump in and take control. Gambling has taken over, so the instinct is to take control back. You want to manage their finances, stop the gambling immediately, talk sense into them, solve the problem. The focus quickly becomes problem-solving. But in doing so, vulnerability and conn...